He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
