well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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