So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
