Your tits are I can't wait for
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
