ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
