I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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