Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
