A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he puts the penis in happiness.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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