What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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