Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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