apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
