Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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