He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
