Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
