She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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