Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
