So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
