i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
