No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
