Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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