Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
