Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize