watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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