Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
