So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
