"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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