ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
