He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
