no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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