positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
