just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize