A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
