we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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