When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
