You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
