I'm jealous of your bromance
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
