I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
