I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
