One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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