jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
