All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
