Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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