I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
