So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
