the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
