dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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