Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
