I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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