Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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