Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
