I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
