So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
