I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize