That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
