His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
