He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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