and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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