im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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