can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
