My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
