I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
