based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
