last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
