Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
