I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
