I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
