I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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