Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize