he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
