Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
