so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
