You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
