I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
