I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
