I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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