the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i think my cat just said my name.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
