Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
