I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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