Im at strip club and am horny
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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