Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
