I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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