i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
