I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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