True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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