tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
